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Things We Learned at the Lake House This Weekend

Just back from a splendid weekend at my friends’ lake house up in Northwest Jersey – and severely sore from much tubing – I’ve been taking some time to reflect on what we learned there.  I came up with a top ten:

  1. Tubing is essentially pleasurable torture. You will bounce incessantly like an oversized rag doll, clutching for dear life to a round red inflatable, until eventually, inevitably, you will rail off into the water, bouncing like a pebble and sputtering. At the end of this, you will invariably respond that it was awesome and clamor to go again. All of this will result in a cacophany of muscle stiffness in the ensuing days.
  2. Roll-on sunscreen is a divisive topic, as well as something already in existence (and not a brilliant million-dollar idea cooked up by my sister and I.)
  3. There’s no such thing as too much meat, or too much deet (100% or bust.)
  4. There IS such a thing as too much dub-step, and that seems to be “any dub-step.”
  5. When going to the bathroom in the dark in unfamiliar places, either commit the floor plan to memory ahead of time or turn on a light. Sometimes the doorway you find and assume is the bathroom is actually the stairs, and this can be disastrous without sharp reflexes.
  6. When a couple asks if you want to “sleep at the foot of their bed”, they do not mean to have you curl up like a beloved pet with them, but that they have an air mattress next to their bed for the taking.
  7. The only reason to carry your car registration on your person is if your car gets impounded a lot. If this happens to you, you’ll likely start referring to your little friend as your “reggie.”
  8. No matter what she does, drinks, or plays, Amy will always have to “Prove It.”
  9. There are four types of clouds: cumulus, nimbus, stratus, and cirrus.  Nimbus are the ones you least want to see while wading in a large body of water.
  10. Charles Dickens is someone.  Emily Dickinson is someone.  Charles Dickinson is no one.

It turns out it was a very educational weekend, and none of us even had to read a book to learn these lessons!


One comment on “Things We Learned at the Lake House This Weekend

  1. This is hilarious. May I add:
    11. “Obama Sabotages Fieldscaping.” Coming soon to a newspaper headline near you.

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