9:00 And, right off the bat it’s Quinn and Puck singing on the stage; I think it’s been like two seasons since I watched this show, but seemingly nothing has changed and no one has graduated or moved out of town (Ooh, people in glass houses?)
9:01 Well, they’ve effectively robbed this Phillip Phillips song of its finest quality (the pulsing rhythm and palpable energy).
9:02 Attention high school friends: Why didn’t we do this over Thanksgiving break? Friendship: we’re doing it wrong.
9:03 Holy shit, was that girl who played young-Marley a cloned Olsen twin or WHAT?! Rewind and check that out, it was EERIE.
9:04 Oooh, the traditional trash-talking of whoever couldn’t make it into town. Suck it, Rachel and Kurt.
9:05 Oh, remember when Quinn got into YALE? In related news, I just got a job at NASA.
9:05 Is it not awkward to specifically pair the new characters with their doppelgangers? Just flash a sign saying “Formulaic” or “We have no new ideas.”
9:06 Is Cory Monteith going to be staying on this show for like, the next ten years? Because that is really sad. For the character and the actor. Sadder than working at the mall, methinks.
9:07 Yay, Blake from The Glee Project!
9:07 I’m sorry, “Hump ‘er and dump ‘er”? Is that a thing?!
9:08 Ryder and Jake’s storyline is literally the same as Finn and Puck’s from season 1. Is this show now written by a computer?
9:12 Please no, Gangnam Style. Please. No.
9:13 One storyline I DO enjoy: Sam was a stripper for a minute. Bwaha.
9:13 On the one hand, recycling characters and storylines is lazy, but on the other, it’s an interesting opportunity to redo the show from the beginning, righting some wrongs. For instance, Finn was supposed to be a dreamy heartthrob character, and Ryder is a dreamy heartthrob character.
9:14 Still waiting for the anonymous jazz band members to get incorporated into the show. Unsung (literally) heroes!
9:18 I did not go to dance school, but I still feel fairly sure that there is no class called “Dance 101.”
9:19 Um, Rachel, that is NOT okay! Self-respect, Berry, you’re sullying the good name.
9:26 I’m sorry, I just blacked out while Kurt invited faux-Anna-Wintour to his apartment in Bushwick. Shut up. I can’t.
9:28 Even slapping can’t liven this episode. Or muscles.
9:30 Yay, Hobbit trailer! I missed Ian McKellan so much.
9:34 Ugh, flirty turkey-buttering.
9:36 Is their a reason beyond plot convenience that Sectionals is held in their own school?
9:37 Liking the Stomp The Yard action on the Dalton Academy Warblers, even if they are singing a Flo Rida song about fellatio at a school-sanctioned event
9:41 PREDICTION: Starvin’ Marley is going to collapse on stage.
9:47 What on earth is this song? I hate it. I feel very averse to it!
9:49 Wow, that big goodbye Schue gave everyone last week was obviously a huge deal.
9:51 Awww crying Blaine! And crying Kurt! All the hugs, all of them.
9:52 Blaine, you can’t nod on the phone. It’s aural.
9:52 Sarah Jessica Parker should not be on this show. She does not belong on it in any way, shape, or form!
9:57 This is the worst of all Glee‘s horrible ideas. A) Why is it a paradigm of this show that competing teams always do cool, current, and popular songs while the New Directions do something stupid and/or obscure? B) This song is about dancing, not singing. C) It is so annoying. D) And if this was the only way they could write Tina a solo, Jenna Ushkowitz should quit immediately.
9:59 CALLED IT! Marley hits the deck.
10:00 Final word: Meh.