GMAT studying has been going super-well. I’m even honor-bound to reveal something that only very lame people who have been out of school too long or very lame people who are just nerds say (and let’s be real, I’m both): I am fully enjoying doing practice algebra problems. For serious.
BUT after 3 hours of that, I made the unwise and terrifying decision to do a little more research on the business schools themselves. This whole idea was birthed when someone told me that Gap Inc. does tuition reimbursement and I did thirty minutes of web-surfing to discover that Rutgers has a part-time MBA program.
Then I got these big pipe-dream crazy ideas in my head that I could go somewhere else. Somewhere in New York. Or Boston (hey, BU has a good business school AND I’m an alum!) Or an Ivy League school! Maybe I could even go full-time! None of this is based in reality. But I grounded myself a little to conceptualize that I could work out free living situations in Boston or New York, and looked into some programs in those cities, and that was still going okay… but then I looked at tuition.
Tuition is so fucking scary. When I went to college, my parents paid for it. And they took out loans, but that was all their deal. And it never seemed like I might not be able to make that work. It just DID. I had absolute zero awareness of the whole thing. But now I want to go back and the tuition is my annual salary (pre-tax). I have NO idea how much I can get in loans, or what the criteria is for being granted those. How is this seriously going to work? Is it? Maybe it’s not. And if it doesn’t, I swear to God I’m going off the grid and farming or some shit. No lies.
And the funny/horrible part is, I probably couldn’t even make that work financially. This is my only viable option. The only other idea I have is to move to Vermont to live with my friend Diana and hopefully get a job at the Banana there or in (my dreams) a brewery; but even THAT would leave me eating a LOT of ramen! How do people live in this world?! Why do I have no marketable skills?! I honestly cannot conceive of financial comfort. Try no money mo’ problems.
There is no conclusion to this. Just unmitigated panic. I’m going to look at GIFs for like an hour to mellow.